JUST FOR LAUGHS

Going Local often receives jokes and funny stories from family, friends and of course members of the community. 

Here we feature some of the better ones !!!!!!!

One day a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tr agically hit by a bus and she died.  Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.

"Welcome to Heaven" said St. Peter "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem.  You see, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you, so we've decided to let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in". 

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven" said the women

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. 

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course.  Standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.  They talked about old times, played golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing.  Before she knew it, it was time to leave, everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got in the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates where St. Peter was waiting for her.  "Now it's time to spend a day in Heaven" he said.  So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing.  She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

St. Peter said to her "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven.  Now you must choose your eternity".

The woman paused for a second and then replied.  "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell.  With this St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in rubbish and filth.  She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the rubbish and putting it into sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.  "I don't understand", stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time.  Now it's just a wasteland of rubbish and all my friends look miserable".

The Devil looked at her and smiled and said .........  Yesterday we were recruiting you, Today you are an employee !!!!!!

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE BRITAIN

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. 

And the most British thing of all?  Suspicion of all things foreign!!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheesburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. 

Ah what it is to be British !!!!!